Friday, August 19

Night One Round-Up


So... what happened after Brian went home to change his pants? Well, not too much.
I'll try and sum up my highlights...
- Kerry's task was a bit of a damp squib, given that firstly, Kerry is surprisingly inoffensive and normal, secondly, she can't act for toffee, and thirdly, she had to compete with the diva cow that is Jedward.
- Jedward continue to be known as Jedward and Jedward, although this is okay at the moment, as they havent been separated for a second. Amy embarrassed them by asking if they wanted a girlfriend, and seemed to continue to refer to the pair of them as one gestalt entity. Perhaps she thinks she has a lazy eye and is seeing double.
- Jedward and Jedward's hair doesnt fit on screen when they're in the diary room. This is awesome.
- The missus asked "Do you reckon Jedward's willies are both the same size?". Feel free to discuss this in your own time.
- Lucian was asked by Amy to stop flirting with her. I suppose she was worried about her reputation. In that they burn child molesters' bins round essex way...
- I entered the competition to watch Fright Night at the BB house. I am such a whore. But I don't pay my phone bill, so thats cool.
- There was an advert for a Roller Coaster made from a sanitary towel. Must be terrifying if you're on that in the rain. Itd be like when that girl gets trapped inside Tetsuo in Akira and squished up.
- Paddy continued to bastardise the english language.
On Jedward - "Y'know Jedward a fenner fum meh fallum a drown em at birth merhufannui yer bollocks."
To Sally Duvet - "Yer woman me shally da politicks nermefellah never fum yer bollocks am quer like yer bastard."
- Tara Reid was introduced to British sausage. Make your own jokes.
- Due to failing her task, Kerry is now up for nomination. She was forced to nominate Bobby the Moggle and Sally Duvet as well. Channel 5 are being quite sly with this though, making the viewers phone in 'to save' their sleb. Which means if you really wanna vote off someone, you have to vote twice. Ker-ching.
- At the moment, I reckon Sally Duvet will go. The politics fans who'd want her to stay may occupy a significant portion of twitter, but I doubt any of them are that entheusiastic about voting. Bobby The Moggle will no doubt get the vote from all the women with working vaginas. And Kerry, despite her many many flaws, is probably the most 'famous' out of the three, and will no doubt get a fair few votes.
And that's it for the first night. Once again, Brian looked uncomfortable, although tonight his right arm was having some kind of Dr Strangelove-esque fit. The thing needs to be strapped down. I don't know how the guy masturbates, the minute he gets excited, he'd rip his cock off...
Oh, and Marcus the voice over guy sounded VERY ANGRY when he read the phone vote terms and conditions. Either that or he really needed a wee.

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