So, now we have everyone in the house, what happens...?
Right, well firstly, I didn't bother to memorise anybody's names so forgive me if I refer to them as Lady with Big Tits, Wrestler lady etc...
Speaking of big tits, professional slutty pose merchant Pamela Anderson is in the house, reminding us all why we all now take our camcorders on holiday. I'm under the impression this is to remove the usual first week feeling of "I don't know who anyone is", but seems to have just resulted in the 'wacky' boys of the house admitting to doing a LOT of wanking.
So, Pammy chooses her most favourite bunch of sycophants and made them VIPs. Naturally, this pissed off a few of the remaining plebs, causing blonde big titted slag girl (like I said, i dont know their names yet) to call Pammy a slag. In the Big Brother house of the metaphor universe, this is when Polly the kettle refers to Bertha the Pot as a similar colour to herself.
What's confusing me is why there have been no absolute munters or old folk put in the house this time round? Is it to keep the Nuts magazine readers happy? Is it to encourage some kind of Club 18-30s naked antics without a mature parent figure spoiling the fun? I mean, the closest we've got to a munter grown up is Posh Harry Horsefucker, and he's even unbuttoned his shirt top button and started drinking generically labelled lager with the rest of the fellas. No Scots, Welsh or Irish in the house either... Odd.
Pamela seems to be attempting to out-'wacky' some of the housemates already, walking through the outdoor shower next to her 'VIP' area for no reason other than to kill a microphone and to get folk to ask her why she looks like she's wet. Maybe she doesn't think anyone is giving her enough attention, which might also explain why every few seconds she adopts a different porn-star pose.
Event-wise, not much seems to have happened so far. Blonde big tit slag revealed she has indulged in 'water-sports'; there's various name-drops of 'my boyfriend says...', although I think this is merely to make some of the girls seem unavailable, giving the manslags something of a challenge...
The channel 5 edit kinda fucks up any chance of following a conversation from beginning to end. They really need some sort of live-feed thing going on. It's just lazy them not doing that. Takes us back to the days of Craig and Nasty Nick. And that was only because no-one did internetting back then... Well, besides nerds and spies.
Conversation-wise, things seem to be struggling,...
Spearmint Rhino Hooker tries to defend her Spearmint Rhino Hooking job;
Manslag and Boyslag share sex adventure stories and offer to 'watch each other's back';
Brick Shithouse and Fruit Shoot boy compare wanking levels (apparently when you ejaculate you lost half your body's zinc, wowshit fact fans);
Spearmint Rhino Hooker claims she is the 'Robin Hood' of Spearmint Rhino Hookers;
Boyslag likes to respeck womans innit and not 'beat them' on the first night, oh and by the way womans... "wow you is hot innit. Gotta respeck womans."
And so... that's it for the first night. Don't think I missed anything... If I did, feel free to stick a comment in the box. And even if I didnt miss anything, put a comment. I like comments.